Super Street Fighter 4 has been announced, and many new characters have been teased. From the Native-American stereotype Thunder Hawk to the token South Korean fighter Juri. The full list of fighters is not yet announced, but here at Party Platypus we were able to obtain a list of fighters that didn’t make the cut in the first game. Included are concept sketches and move lists for the proposed new characters. We can only hope that these world heroes make it into the sequel.
I don’t know what Capcom was trying to do with this particular character. I am not sure, but he seems to be based on the deceased 40th President of the United States. We were unable to find a character model for Ronald Reagan, but we did find a partial move list.
Ol’ Sitter – To use this move, you need to perform a quarter circle backwards while jamming on the A button like it doesn’t work any more. Unsatisfied with what these kids call “video-games” you decide to sit down in your large brown recliner and complain loudly about the democratic hold on the senate.
Iran-Contra – To execute a good Iran-Contra, you first need to walk away from your control pad. Then, after successfully completing that step, you deny that the game itself exists, and that you had no prior knowledge of the move that you were planning on executing. Your opponent is instantly arrested and convicted of treason.
Lassiez-faire Lash – To execute this move you mash wildly on the control pad until your character throws a money-bag into the air. After which the other character may or may not take any damage. If he doesn’t take damage, it isn’t your fault, it is the game’s fault. If he does take damage, you were a genius for executing the move.
Jellybean Jamboree – To execute this move, you need to grab a handful of jellybeans and stuff them into your mouth. After which you mash on the controller wildly and ignore the game in general. Jellybeans are awesome and taste good, you could care less what happens in the game.
Star-Wars Smash - People seemed to enjoy those star wars films, to execute this move, talk to the player about how awesome it would be if you could both win the game by turning off the games console. If there was no console, there could be no possibility of someone winning or losing. There would be no more need of fighting… you could even watch Star Wars together instead. (You do this all while secretly executing a few Iran-Contras to win the match)
Hollywood “Hulk” Hogan
That’s right, “Mr. Nanny” himself was set to appear in the quaternary street fighter edition, but due to some legal issues he was left out. Dressed in his NWO duds from the WCW era his character definitely oozes a certain charm I can’t put my finger on. One thing that you can’t discern from the screenshots is the attention to detail in the motion. They capture his steroid addled gait and empty stare just perfectly.
Endorsment Crusher: To execute the Hulkster’s most infamous crusher, you must input a very complicated sequence of buttons. First you must hit the a button so rapidly that you break your controller. You then need to head to the Mall of America ™ and head to the Pastamania ™ restaurant and order some famous “Hulk-a-roos” ™. You can wash that all down with a Hogan Energy ™. After you have completed that task, head to your local Walmart to pick up a copy of Hulk Hogan: The Ultimate Anthology and some delicious Hulkster Burgers (tm) for home. But how will you cook these glorious meat patties ordained by the one badness himself? Hogan knows best! You can purchase a lovely Hulk Hogan’s Utlimate Grill ™ but, in true hulk fashion, everything you eat will need to be mixed in with energy supplements. The Recipe: 1 part Hulkster Burgers ™, 1 part Hogan Energy Extreme Energy Capsules ™, 1 part D-anabol 25, 1 part Decca 200, and 3 parts Hogan Energy ™ drink and mix well in a Hulk Hogan Thunder Mixer ™ Once you have returned, you will recant your glorious hulk filled adventure. After telling your tale, your opponent will request to become your squire and join the great ranks of the Knights of Hulkmania ™. (Warning, Hulkmania may cause you to burst through a door and rip your shirt off while chanting… OOHHH YEEEAAAAHHHH BROTHERRRR!!!!)
Gynocomastial Grab: Dude, your biceps look freaking sweet. This stack is totally working, you can bench way past your old limit. Man.. you are so cut! Wait… what is this? Why are your pecs getting so flabby? It looks like you have bitch tits. Was this supposed to happen? I thought these pills were supposed to make you look cut… not like Meatloaf. You better go to a doctor…. shit… what are you going to say? He’ll totally know man. Dude… he is a doctor, he can tell you have been using. I guess your only hope is that doctor/patient confidentiality thing. Maybe he can also look at that thing you were telling me about… that ain’t right. You shouldn’t be carrying around a sack like a set of peanuts man… that shit is gross.
Mr. Nanny Manhandler: To pull off this move, first take the controller, hit pause and set it down. Head to the nearest closet and put on the nanny outfit. (Don’t forget the feather duster) Now, come back out and lose all of the tiny sliver of credibility you had left. Anyone that sees you wearing this won’t take you seriously anymore. You product placement whoring, bad movie making, energy drink peddling orange goblin. You were my fucking childhood hero man… god damn it.
The n.W.o.: This is the new world order BROTHERRRR!!! We’ve come from the WWF to take over the WCW!!!! Bischoff and his WCW cronies won’t give us a shot at the title!! (BOOOOO!!!!). Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and I will take down any 3 man team that the WCW has to throw at us BROTHERRRR!!! (To complete this move, continue to spout of chest-beating dialogue, while your opponent leaves or changes the channel because the god damn WCW is all talk now anyway.. they never fight anymore. The only time they do have any good fights are at the PPV events anway. Dude… does Joey still have that tape of Bash at the Beach?)
Hulk Rules: Now, this is a rather unorthodox fighting move. After completing the usual ultra combo punch button combo, your game will pause and ask you to insert a microphone controller. Once you are set up, the real show begins. The famous Wrestling Boot Band will join your character on screen for a haunting rendition of “Hulkster in Heaven”. After finishing the song, you will be promted for an encore, where you will sing a 20 minute version “Hulkster’s In the House”. At about the 15 minute mark, you can check on your opponent. He should be face down in the dirt, if you flip him over you will see that he died of a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Tragic… I guess there is one more Hulkster angel singing in the choir now… (This move can be easily countered if your opponent can pull off a successful “Be a Man“)
I have to tell you, I was not expecting to see the liberator of India in a fighting game. The pacifist has become the kick-assifist. Ghandi’s moves seem to incorporate peaceful solutions into the fighting game…. very intriguing. Ghandi would be the 2nd Indian character in the game, and I can only assume he was added to the roster so that people could play as an Indian character that didn’t suck. Initially I assumed that Ghandi didn’t make it into the game because of some licensing issues, but it turns out that was not the case. I asked the game’s designers why he was unable to make the cut in the final version of the game, and their answer surprised me. Apparently the Ghandi estate is very happy to sell their names. Hell, they are just coming out with a line of Mahatma condoms for use in the third world to combat AIDS. It turns out that Ghandi never made it in the finished product because he was deemed “too powerful”. Just look at his move list.
Civil Disobedience: This move replaces Ghandi’s regular light punch move. When you initiate this move, your character will sit down and begin a mantra about a free India. Your opponent is free to hit you, but when he does so everyone thinks that he is a dick for hitting someone who isn’t fighting back. What an asshole.
Punjab Charm: Ghandi was the ultimate cock-tease. This move will put his immense male charms to your advantage. To pull off this move, you need to first strip off all of your clothes. You then need to find any young and nubile women you can bring into your bed-chambers. After you invite them into your room, you are to strip down naked and lay in bed with them. You do not have sex with them, *wink. Nobody will know of this until you turn 77. Your past nudie parties will come to light, and you will call the practice as “testing your vows of celibacy” … yeah right… you horny old Indian bastard.
Non-violent Support: This is an interesting move, to say the least. This move replaces Ghandi’s light kick. When you hold the light kick button for 2 seconds, Ghandi will step into the background and Seth will appear on screen. Seth is computer controlled and set to the highest difficulty level. Your character will sit in the background while the fight continues on. Once your opponent is defeated, you will be brought to the foreground and deemed the winner. (You will then be swarmed by 50 naked 19 year old Indian maidens)
Salt March: Step 1: Aquire a can of Morton’s Salt. Step 2: Open the top of the salt can. Step 3: Dump the salt can over your opponent’s head. Step 4: Laugh as he writes in agony. The salt completely coated his eyes and mouth! Step 5: Perform an Non-violent Support move.
Hunger Strike: This move is interesting because it breaks the mechanics of the game a bit. Ghandi will sit down and a button pressing mini-game will start. Dan will appear as your opponent dons an apron and chef hat. Your opponent will then cook and throw food at Ghandi. You will control Dan and try to catch and eat all of the food before it gets to Ghandi. (This reminded me a lot of some Warioware minigames) Dan will continue to get fatter and fatter as he eats food. Eventually he will become full to bursting and let out a humongous belch, blowing the other character off of the screen entirely. Shortly after the belch, Dan suffers a major heart attack and goes into cardiac arrest. Ghandi is too weak from not eating to perform CPR. By the time the ambulance arrives, Dan is already dead. After the ambulance leaves, you attend the funeral service. It was short and there was a very small crowd. The pastor lead a very moving sermon, and only Dan’s widow was there for the burial. The camera pans up as a cloud of white doves fly across the screen, and just for a fleeting moment you think you can see Dan’s smiling face in the clouds. The tears come and go, but your memories will always be there. We will never forget you Dan.